Hi secretwhisper. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. Maybe what stops you is somewhere deep down you want to live, just not with so much pain? You are not a massive burden and you do deserve help. You are a beautiful, good person. I can remember when I was at my worst you were there for me with kind words and a caring attitude. You are important. You helped me so much when I needed help. Depression makes us feel like we are bad or worthless, or that we are a problem or a burden but this is just not true. My prayer for you is that you can get the help you so badly need and deserve, and in some way have a better, peaceful life.
Hang in there secret.

