All my life ive had obsessive thoughts that would lead to me panicking. For example when i was 8 i was convinced i was dying of cancer and id get obsessive thoughts over it. When my cousin committed suicide when i was 17 i lost my mind after that. I remember going through a really dark time . I just lost my job, my bf and i broke up at the time and my best friend of 8 yrs and i stopped talking..and all of a sudden i just started getting this horrible thought of "what if i become like my cousin and take my own life"? ( I WOULD NEVER DO IT . IN FACT DEATH IS MY BIGGEST FEAR) this thought has been off and on in my head throughout the years and its so disturbing , it makes me so sick . i would be afraid to look out my window...cook with knives..just talking about it is hard because i feel crazy. any advice or thoughts on what this could be would be great thank you all