My problem is I don't want to be over med, or zombie like. I hate my mood swings but I hate being a zombie even more. It does get to me some times. Some times I just want to give up completely. Everyone has mood swings, it's natural. The difference is ours knows no boundaries and often come and go for no logic reason. Most people don't get it for that reason. They think we are just weak. I know I am not weak. It takes a lot of strength and courage to fight a never ending battle. I'm sure my condition will eventually be the cause of my death. In either pole, depressed or manic. Or even some where in between. What hurts me most is when I go off on my kids and family. It tears me apart. I feel guilt, shame and sorry. I do not feel worthy many times. I would like to see some of these people that simply don't understand us walk in our shoes for even just one year. I wonder how they would do?

My biggest fear is I will snap beyond repair. Yet I keep on going.