Fair enough. Very complex, with the gender identity. I sure hope the suggestion to not allow men to marry until age 30 does not get legislative approval - my dad was much younger than that when he married and then 23 when I was born . High society men in the past did in fact not get married until much later, usually to younger women, because there were supposed to first reach their goals in their careers, civil or military, become financially successful, etc. So not that there was no precedent for requiring advanced age of marriageability for men...

You basically have your hands full with everything; I am a bit unclear how you plan to be financially sound enough to raise the child-to-be-born all on your own... do you already have a degree or do you have parents who would pitch in? Just wondering, because yes, you are young, and if you fall-back plan is to raise the child all alone, then, if you work, you would need money for childcare... have you thought it all through? I am assuming that you are neither independently rich from having launched a winning app at age 16, nor from being an heir to a wealthy family, which is why this question seems the most relevant now.

The way you write, respond to other posters, and explain is very mature - I would call it rational, which does not mean that you cannot be emotional. unemotional=monotonous and dull/flat; you got fairly lively as the thread progressed, so if your behavior on the thread is any indication of how you behave on social interactions face-to-face, you very much do NOT sound asp. By the way, your terminology is totally confused - asp. is a neurological disorder on the autistic spectrum; PD's (personality disorders such as narcissism) are psychological disorders which in the US are called Axis II. You mentioned hpd - hard to say anything at all without knowing the person face-to-face, but npd - unlikely. First, people who actually DO have npd very-very rarely admit it, and you wrote nonchalantly "yeah, might be npd" - this is so uncharacteristic of narcissists. Narcissists would say that all their close friends, lovers, and the world overall have NPD, except for them - they are pristine creatures without any faults, elevated above the rest of the humanity and worthy of exulted adoration. Does not seem like you at all.

Anyway, you have your hands more than full with the fact that your wife has gender issues and with the fact that you seem to be putting more sexual energy into relationships with men and more emotional energy into relationships with women. This is not a gender issue per se, but it is a complex issue, so multiplying her gender issues by your whatever they are issues, the picture becomes quite overwhelming.

You explained how carefully you use condoms. This is obviously very good, but condoms do not fully cover the area that can harbor HPV. Most strains of HPV are harmless and most of the time HPV infections resolve by themselves, but some strains are extremely dangerous and can lead to cancer. Your wife, assuming that she is roughly your age, by now should have received a series of immunizations to protect her from HPV. Make sure that she does and if she has not received them, she should start the series after she gives birth. If she is under 26, the insurance would cover it; otherwise it is out-of-pocket and an expensive proposition, but it is worth it.

If there are immunizations for HPV for males, definitely get vaccinated. And make sure you have received vaccinations to protect you from Hep A and Hep B - TWINRIX is one shot with two vaccines bundled together. Hep B is an STD that can lead to liver cancer, and Hep A is a disease that you can catch if you travel to Africa or something like this, and it won't kill you, but will ruin your trip. So getting vaccinated against both A and B is prudent. The most dangerous Hep C, which is an STD, probably is not yet preventable via vaccination, but you can find out. To sum up, condoms are not the only way to protect your health and her health - immunizations should be utilized as well.

If your wife is so young, she should not get sterilized after the birth, because ten years from now, possibly with a different man or possibly with you, she might want another child. So she needs an IUD. Having Mirena IUD alone is virtually foolproof - the effectiveness is above 99%; using Mirena and condoms (I do that) is MORE effective than permanent sterilization methods, which are not foolproof. Plus, Mirena provides health benefits to the woman. It has to be changed once in 5 years. So if 10 years from now your wife wants another child, all her contraceptive efforts would have amounted to 2 visits to the clinic to get or to replace the IUD. Compare with tubal ligation - she would need to spend a lot of money reversing tubal ligation and the reversal is not always successful. So really no point in getting sterilized.

Unless her not wanting more children is connected to gender identity. If she plans to become a man, she might as well get her tubes tied.