She sounds like a peach. Really it isn't up to her to make you feel confident and secure, it's up to you to make you feel that way. If you don't like how you feel being with her you may need to rethink this marriage. She won't even let you give her oral!!!!! Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. I told my now husband that I didn't like oral when we first started being intimate because I didn't but I hadn't had it from him. I looooove it now but he told me after a few months that it would have been a deal breaker if he couldn't do that. It sounds like she may have jumped into something too fast with you and isn't sure how to get out of it without hurting you. I'm sure she cares about you but the fact that she puts you down says that she resents or just doesn't respect you. Do you really want to start a life like that?