(((lozza)))

I'm sorry to hear things are so hard for you just now. It sounds as if you have hardly anyone to turn to - which must make things worse.

I am glad you have a good T at the moment - it sounds like she is doing a good job and giving you the support you need. Is there any kind of group you could join? Maybe she could suggest something.

Your kitties sound lovely - what are their names, and what do they look like? We have had rescue dogs before, and they have all been great.

Might ella be trying to express how hard it is for you (and her) at the moment and that's why she is talking about ending it? I don't agree with her that things can't improve though - I know from my own experience that things do change and I learn new ways of coping. I don't know how to get her to be quiet - have you tried the Dissociative Disorders forum? I used to know someone who had DID and she had other parts like you, she called them alters, so you might find someone there who can suggest something helpful.

Please don't take this wrong (I don't want to sound patronising) but I think it would be a good idea to try and bear in mind that when we are full of grief after a bereavement things tend to look much darker and are harder to cope with. This will pass - I know how I felt after my father died, and he was very dear to me - it will rise and fall for a while but one day it won't hurt so much.

Your mum must be feeling really sad as well at the moment, so she might not be as aware as she usually is about how you are feeling. Maybe you can try and make her feel loved and cared for, I expect she would really appreciate that.

I don't know if any of this has been helpful - I hope so, but if not please at least know that you are not alone and that you are cared for. Don't give up, please keep trying. I'll look out for your next post on this thread.


Bluegrey