I didnt have to worry tooo much about child parts (alternate personalities) that were not equipped to handle adult relationships coming out at the wrong times.

part of the reason I have DID is that I was sexually abused before the age of 5. what that meant for me was that many if not all my alternate personalities knew about adult relationships (sex, dating and such) just because of the nature of the abuse and for them it was a normal part of life since thats what their life was like.

each of my alters were a special kind of alter where they each had their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being. the result of this was that they would take over for me when ever I became triggered (upset/uncomfortanble/ anxious....) about something. the corresponding alter who's job, purpose reason for being was to handle that issue that I was having a problem with would take over, handle that problem for me.

example (this may be a bit graphic for some....)

if my girlfriend (now wife) and I were intimate and suddenly I dissociated into an alternate personality that alter was fully knowledge- able and able to handle the situation and continue on as if nothing had happened.

I would be the one who would become aware and discover we had se and I had no memory of doing so.

this time loss/memory loss problem caused my now wife and I some problems because for her everything was fine and dandy and here I was going so what happened last night anyway. and she would look at me and say well it couldnt have been much if you cant remember. I thought we had connected on a more meaningful level for the both of us but I guess not.

I had been diagnosed with DID by this time so I sat down with her and explained to her what dissociation was and how it affected me, then we went to my therapist for couples therapy.

through this my now wife and I learned that even in normal relationships sometimes there are things that will cause one or the other person in the relationship to become uncomfortable. in normal relationships the involved people have the ability to choose or not to choose to continue even when they feel triggered. sometimes a person with dissociative disorders of any kind will fall back on dissociative type coping skills rather then let their partner know something isnt right.

my girlfriend now wife and I learned how to talk with each other about what we both like and dont like, having boundaries like having a safe word in which the moment either one says that word at any time all activities must be stopped until both are comfortable/non triggered and able to continue.

using these tools brought my girlfriend and I closer and i was able to have a more meaningful and remain grounded during intimate moments. we also use these and other grounding skills during our non intimate moments. just last night we were out to dinner at a friends house. the friends husband was a bit tipsy from alcohol and getting to be a bit much for my wife. she used our safety word in a sentence, then we both excused ourselves saying we really needed to get home to our children, and relieve the babysitter. my wife is not DID but the skills a person learns for dealing with dissociation are the same skills anyone can use whether they are dissociative disordered or not.