Oh I can relate to your post so much, it's like I typed it! .... except-- I didn't know that the way I was acting was due to "triggers" ... didn't know anything about that at the time when my children were very young. (I sure wish I knew back then what I know now)

I think being aware of it is a start in the right direction-- good for you! though I know it is still very hard... I don't know if one can get beyond all this on their own... I tried because I didn't know any different, and my children-- now almost adults are struggling -- I think I unintentionally expressed my distrust/paranoia around them ....... but now I'm working hard in trying to make things better.

I hope you can get some help to work through this. Are your children still quite young? Well, regardless,I've heard it's never too late to make things better. You are a very good mom to be concerned about such things-- please keep that in mind.

I wish you much healing and am here if you want to talk.

mandy