OH, Lordy....I was in a relationship in college, with my first sexual experience. I was so naïve. The fella told me he had just used me for sex...straight up as he left after graduation. I was devastated.
My relationships exp after that were really trying to recover from the hurt of his initial devastation. I had been raised to believe that sex meant love and marriage. I was numb emotionally and went on to try to find other emotional/sexual bonds. I continued.
I married a man I didn't love because I became convinced I could make it work. That was a 20+ year mistake. I had to work toward financial independence to be free of it, getting a degree in teaching and finally leaving him. Why? because we had a daughter together, and he told me if I left he'd take her from me and "kick me out on the street with nothing."
I did finally leave, but only after she left for college, at which time he was submissive....(too late!)
Why am I sharing all of this with you. Just so you know our initial hurts can influence our whole life.
My own behavior was largely due to lack of self esteem. From my upbringing, I really felt unworthy of love.
I hope you will pause and take stock of your own worth. Not go forward and settle for less!