It seems like my child parts have been locked down for so long, mostly at this point they sob or are terrified. I don't want my partner to keep seeing that. There's a lot of grief inside. I am pretty sure, they are capable of having fun. But I, the everyday capable part, am concerned that might also freak out my partner. Being young and scared, they only tend to emerge if I am home alone. Then it feels like we're stretching out and breathing after a long car trip. Does that make sense. And it's not like I can control it. I mean, on some level the message got to the inside, a very long time ago, "no childlike behavior is acceptable in the home. Be a little adult." So actually, the parts I'm aware of aren't really spontaneous anyway.