Thanks alexandra_k, DepressMe, Lemon, SecretGarden, sister, and pinksoil for your comments. ((((hugs))))

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can you try again to contact your therapist?

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That is so sensible, alex_k, but no, I can't. It took a lot for me even to call him the first time, really putting myself out there, and I got rejected. Can't do that again. Plus (rationalization coming), he has told me once that he doesn't always check his phone messages every day, so if he doesn't return a call right away, that's why. So if I call today, he might not even get my message before our couples session tomorrow. So why bother?

Still haven't decided if I should cancel or not. I have to remember that my husband is part of this too and would have to be involved in a cancelation decision. It would not be fair to him to cancel unilaterally. Alternatively, I could just not go and my husband could go solo, which I totally would hate!

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Is your fragility regarding your relationship with your T (for not calling back) or with your husband or with the work you are doing there?

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SecretGarden, my fragility is about the relationship with my husband. But the T thing isn't helping any. That's part of the issue--now is not the time for me to have issues with my T! I need all my resources to deal with the marriage. I need T to be really dependable and rock solid for me and not add to my load of turmoil by ignoring my phone call.

DepressMe, that must have been hard to split up with your former T, and make her cry, even though she was not a good T.

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The only way for your relationship with your husband to get better

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We decided at our first couples session last week to get divorced, so our marriage is not going to get any better. But I am hoping our relationship can improve so that our divorce will be a good one. It's a tough time right now for both of us. Even if you want to get divorced, after 20 years together, it's heartbreaking. My T is a family therapist and divorce expert. He handled our first session really well--he did a great thing for us and I am so grateful.