Hi BBB2, welcome to PC!!!
It sounds like you're having a really hard time, I'm sorry
But just know that feeling the way you do, does not make you stupid!! Not in the least!! Having and experiencing the effects of depression, doesn't make you any more "stupid" than if you had a physical ailment and were trying to cope with the effects of that. And the effects of depression can be seriously hard to cope with at times.
So, I'm glad you've joined us here at PC, there are so many understanding and supportive people on here and lots of information in helping you cope with and move on from this. There aren't usually any "quick fixes" but you've found a really good place to start for advice and support. You're not on your own.
And things can get better..........maybe it could take meds (or maybe not) although there will be other things you can try too.
So hope you stick with us.........and again.........welcome to PC!!!!

Alison