I haven't been here for a very long time.

I just need an outlet right now. I am very depressed and have not been able to stop crying for the last 2 days. The only thing keeping me alive is my commitment to not kill myself and to my cat Oscar, that I will always be here to take care of him.

I had my 51st birthday last Tuesday. It's been the worst birthday ever.

My sister is living with/dating a crackhead. She has been my main source of support as I have Bipolar II disorder. Things are strained between us. I don't know what to do to support her.

She never wants to come to my house, I always have to go there. She has good days and bad days with her boyfriend.

I feel so alone.

I broke up with my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago due to the fact that he and my sister never got along. He is too emotionally immature to deal with the fact that my sister is my sister and she will always come first. We have been through this roller coaster for the last 6 months and things are good for a while and then the same old same old.

But that's not why I'm here. At least I don't think so. I know our break was a good thing. We have texted a few times but not about reconciling. We both know that that will never happen.

I'm not working and waiting for a disability hearing due to bipolar.

I am so sad.

The incredible loneliness is almost unbearable.

Nancy

p.s. I don't know how to change "my mood" because it certainly isn't "I'm okay". I am anything but.