"[QUOTE=ifst5;4118864]I take it you can't act out these fantasies with your current partner? It sounds like you're feeling a bit unfulfilled sexually - so naturally the issue is spilling over into friendships and confusing things there. Or maybe you feel this would be better experienced with women? To be honest it very much depends on the kind of s & m - as you know there are many sub-types so maybe you can now focus on finding one that would work better with your partner? Providing they approve of it of course. "

My husband is sexually fullfilling 80% of the time, but he's not a woman. He is fine with me having a friend with benefits for s&m sex, he would not be involved because I would not be comfortable with that(he is fine with that).

The thing is, I have not always wanted sex with women so much, it got worse the older I got. That's why I think it's just related to not having a strong and lasting female friendship that lasted after moving away, etc.

"There are places to go where your fantasies can be safely and appropriately fulfilled - though whether this would be ok with your partner is another matter. If they understand that you're not cheating on them, merely paying for a service they can't provide, perhaps this would be a good way of dealing with the issue."

I tried a prostitute once(I only did certain things cause I'm paranoid about STDs)...it was expensive and the sex was boring, I could tell she wasn't into it...maybe I just had a bad one? I could try again, but the pricetag really deters me & I don't have the money for it except once in a while.

"Just a thought. Other than that i would maybe go for counselling either individually or as a couple to help stop this issue potentially overtaking other areas of your life. Perhaps there is a connection between your previous experiences with women and these pervasive fantasies - or it might just be a desire you haven't quite worked out how to deal with. "

We already talked through everything on this we could on this, and I don't have funds for a counselor. I would be paying them for ideas, which I can just get online myself.