This is my personal opinion only.

Put the bp diagnosis aside for a minute because I am not going to dispute what mental health professionals have said.

What you're dealing with is a son who seems to hold very little accountability for his actions.
And does not let the consequences of his actions deter him.

I think his problems are deeply rooted and I can not sit here and speculate the origin of his problems.

I don't know what it was like for him as a child when you got divorced.

I don't know how he felt with 2 parents living in different places and having to travel back and forth between the two.

I don't know how he felt living with his father.

I don't know what his relationship is like with his step mother.

I don't know what disciplinary techniques were used when he was growing up.

And I don't want you answering what I don't know - because you are not him and I believe that he has his own story to tell. You've just never heard it because he doesn't know how to tell it.

At one stage I worked intensly with juveniles who had come out of short term jail because of age - anything related to things like shoplifting, assault, dealing etc.

So I just know that there are two sides to every story.

Your husband can point fingers at your son and say it's his fault.

His step mom can point fingers at him and say it's his fault.

You can point fingers at him and say it's his fault.

But unless you own what's really going on you will never be able to help him.