It sounds like you are in a very bad place right now but are aware and trying to find a way out. I like to go for a bike ride to a park where I can enjoy nature. the exercise helps drain off some of the tension and Nature can ease the mind. Dancing is another way to lose some of the tension and then a hot shower, scented candles, nice music and a good book. Do the people at work know the problem you have? If they do oftentimes a little education can help them understand the problem. You can PM me if you need to talk or vent and I will be there for you. We all know what you are going through and would love to help.