Hi all,

I want some advice. For the last 6 months, I've been at rock bottom in terms of depression. I desperately miss an old friend, who I used to relate to strongly. I feel like this is the primary cause of my depression which is causing me to lose focus of everything.

So, backstory. We fell out. Had a massive argument. He blocked me on everything and hasn't gotten in touch since. Taking a step back.. We started a small software development company together. Made a few apps, had a lot of fun. We went to parties, events, and ended up being best friends. We wanted to make it big, and often talked about our future like that was definite. Whilst I didn't realise at the time, in reflection I had a crush on him. Which makes the below so much harder to deal with. Emotions suck.

When you start out, everyone says not to go into business with your friends - it'll end badly. It did and I quit. We were still on okay terms for a few months, and then (whilst I was under a great deal of external pressure, as well as being depressed again with my own life) something petty happened, and I remember he tried to make my previous input into the company seem smaller than it was. This hurt so much. I was angry, frustrated, and really sad. I spoke to some people and they all told me to express my feelings in writing, so I wrote a blog post that made him out to be a d**k. (Which he wasn't BTW, and I deleted the post several days later)

24 hours later, I had seemingly permanently ended my friendship with one of the only people who I have ever properly connected with.

Now 6 months later, I still am in the rut over that day. Wishing I had never made such a fuss, or wishing I hadn't written that post. I just want to speak to him again. I've tried emailing, and he's ignored my attempts.

It's hard to explain, but losing someone like this feels wrong, and I really want to put it right. What should I do? I've tried to just move on, but I don't seem to be able to. I just want to make things right.