Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum so let me introduce myself. I'm 18 years old and for the last 3 years I have been battleing mental illness. I'm writing on this to ask other oppinoins here about if some of the experinces I talk about can be looked as bipolar episodes.for some background information I started using drugs in my freshman year of highschool for 9 months before going into the hospital. My drug of choice was amphetamine.

So the first time I had a 'episode' was in the beginning of my sopmore in highschool. I was having a extreme feeling of being 'wired' I slept anywhere from 4-5 hours per night whice is very little for me. At this time i didint use any stimulant drug for at least a month since this mental change happened. I started having intense homicdal thoughts out of nowhere. I even learned how to make bombs. I felt like I could play god with rqndome peoples lives. It gave me this feeling of euphoria. A euphoria so much greater than all the aderal I could ever eat (mind you I WASNT on drugs) I started even selling knives at school for whatever reason, I just felt so invincable like I would never be caught. So this all came crashing down when I eventually went to the hospital for homicidal ideation when I braged about my ideas to my therapist. I was at inpatient for 18 days and the put me on celexa. I stopped taking it as soon as I got out of the hospital because I didn't need any drugs to feel good (this was just my thought at the time) eventually I guess that feeling past and I felt normal again like that never even happened to me. Fast forward another year and the same thing happened to me. It was slightly less intense, but those symtoms were there, I was euphoric, had tons of energy, short temper, homicidal ideation, felt until of the world. So that's when I ended up in the hospital again lol. This time I was put on risperidol. For the next year or so I kept switching my medications. Right now I'm on lamictal and wellbutrin. But anyways, eventually all of those symptoms fadded away after about 2 months. And then about 6 months later I went into a deep, DEEP depression which threw me off guard because I never felt like that in my life. The depression lasted a long 4 months. No self injury, but suicidal ideation was there. I didn't go to the hospital thoufh, as my therapist was understanding and knew that I wasn't actually going to kill myself. Just wanted to die and felt like a vegatable. So my psychiatrist prescribed my efexor which again brought me right back up to that wired state. I felt very euphoric and impulsive, but my agressoin wasn't there so no homicidal ideation. I kept getting in trouble with school, and parents and cheated on my girlfriend (I regret this so much). So here we are, 6 months later and I dont know what all of this is. Im feeling weird, like have a lot of anxiety (I'm pretty sure this is a totally other issue) but I started abusing achole. I was drug free for 2 years and I just started drinking daily for a month. Well after that it made me sad. That lasted for another week and now I'm slower feeling better. Well I feel very flat which I hate.

So my question to you all is: does this sound somthing like bipolar or is it somthing else? I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar with my current psychiatrist, he says I have depression and anxiety. The psychiatrists at the hospital said somthing about bipolar 1. So please give me some feedback. This is more of an interest to see what's really going on with me so I can learn more about it and try to overcome it.