I do the same thing for mental and physical disorders, mainly because I have felt sick for so many years and have never received any decent help from a doctor. I keep searching for answers because the doctors don't, if they don't know the answer they say "it is all in your head", no matter what the issue may be.

On the other hand I am tired of suffering and keep hoping that I have a terminal illness which will kill me in a short amount of time.

However some people are very afraid of dying or mental illness and think that any little symptom means they have an illness and will either end up insane or dead.

Also wanting to be sick could mean you are craving attention and part of you remembers from past experience that being seeks gets the attention you crave. This happens even if you are not aware of it.

So it is difficult to figure out what you are trying to achieve without a lot of introspection and/or professional help. But no matter what keep posting and some of us will try to help without just telling you need professional help. Being told you need a psychiatrist and nothing else can be quite a blow to people who need some guidance, so please don't believe we are all uncaring as the second post might lead you to believe.