I was about to be put on what you are on now too.. I knew that my life would be how it's going. I'm already poor as it is slowly getting better, but it's from my parents who sometimes spend poorly and I have to spend my money to pick up their slack in order for me to be in a house. So I have no money for my own groceries and before when I lived on my own. I only had to live on for about 6 months on 10 dollars every two weeks.

I intentionally starved myself to get by and eat seldomly to store up food when needed. I've experienced poverty the worst with just the bare essentials except food with me and my sister having to only be fed at school with the free lunches program.

I know your pain very very well.

I was going to be on low income disability for my neuro problems. I was diagnosed last march and before that. I'm so glad I didn't, but I know when I was very close to be forced on it, because of my lack of movement. With my movement disorder. At 20 having a movement disorder and being put on disability really was a struggle for me to think I should deal with, but I was lucky I could do something about my health.

I know so much about poverty now, and experiencing it first hand. Sometimes, I was homeless in weird occasions, but not that very long though. It's humbling beyond no matter how little I had and more less stuff I had. I was never so much happier with the lack of attachment, but at the same time. I needed food. I hated when my roommates where one was in the similar position I was in, treated me like crap because of things he didn't agree with. I was very respectful and never touched his food and the only times I did I paid him back each time when I was very ill with bronchitis.

I found it so freeing. At the same time beyond depressing, I was so happy when I got to buy noodles and make fettecunni homemade for myself alone to eat for the next few days in one big bowl.

I was forcing myself all the time no matter what to get a job, but in the end I wasn't hired no matter how dedicated I was, because I wasn't a student at the college and they assume I am just a freeloaner and trying to not be productive in society. It was sad, of dealing with hunger on a regular basis as normal for me was truly what hell was like. Knowing if you had a job you can have food, but now your health is failing you on top of this at a young age and you don't know how to get your life together coming all at once.

I figured instead of me feeling upset. I tell people, I just sat outside and didn't say a word and just outside sitting on the porch observing the area no thinking or anything just relaxing taking it all in. I felt if I was homeless all the time, I'd do the same thing. I'd spend more time living each moment in what I had the best moments.

It was powerful feeling that. I hope you feel that too.