It's not that I don't want them to come out ever or just when I'm alone. I want to be able to access their attributes in my primary relationship. I want to experience the joy and happiness and openness with my partner. Those parts hold those attributes for me. But sometimes I'm afraid that those attributes are "childish" and have no part in adult relating. Other times I think those qualities are human and ageless so ought to be present in my "adult" selves. Herein lies the confusion and frustration. See most of the time, I don't feel any age. But the behaviors are unmistakeable as children in our culture.