I didnt understand why were you feeling that bad but I agree with Stopdog that it sounds horrible. Maybe it sounds horrible for me because it reminds me of my stupit behavior (I mean SI in bathroom after session).
Your T was really patient and kind, I would be scared if I were a T and my client acted like this.
My T was mad when I acted like this and I wish I could turn back the time and wouldnt act that miserable. My T saved my life when I tried to kill myself but anyway its horrible to remember this.