Yes. It comes in waves. It's most intense when I'm trying to deal with strong emotions like anger or abandonment pain. Sometimes I'll be right on the verge of going through with it, then I back off. It's a painful and dark place to be and I totally get the dissociating part.

Right now I'm staying alive for my H. I don't think I really want to die, I just want the pain to go away and have something better to look forward to than a life of mental illness.