Hi Elin95, thank you for asking..

My husband just left not long ago, he works out of town, luckily he was back for a week right after these thoughts and when the low was really bad. It still comes and goes, not suicidal but just that life is meaningless, purposeless, even tho I have a son who I love and four wonderful dogs, it just doesn't seem enough some days.

Yesterday it was waves of in and out feeling like my life is pointless and then feeling okay...

I am day 8 of binge/purge free (which is actually almost leaves me in a state of disbelief that I did it), but now all I can think is how I so miss just numbing out with food, and the feeling of not feeling. It pushes me to want my other things (weed or alcohol) and I just have to keep pushing... It's like the more I 'feel' which is what my t wants, the more I feel crazy.

I am just trying to tap into the parts of me that hate being alone and learn to nurture the I ner child, but that is hard too.

It's all quite frustrating..

Sorry, that was longer than I intended