Sine theres a bit of confusion as to exactly what i mean about this,

Here's an example: a very close family member of mine told me in anger what a selfish person i am. even after the apology of "i am sorry i blew up on you" i continued to believe that from this person's perspective, i am truly the most selfish person they have met. And it must be true, if they said it. i think perhaps i percieve anger the way many people do drunkenness-- there is an adage that says there is truth in wine. it basically means that because of the lowered inhibitions, a person will say what they really feel after they have had a few. Anger, perhaps, seems to lower inhibitions, much the way alcohol does--it makes people less afraid of consequences.

And despite how many times i have been told that anger distorts perceptions and does not bring out the truth, angry insulting words seem to have more staying power.

my problem is that the apology, even though they are looking and sounding sincere, doesnt feel like the truth. Instead, the insulting comment, does. And even days later, sometimes i feel the sting of what an awful selfish person i am. And it doesnt matter to me that i always try to have the best intentions. Now, i am not a cynical person. i dont percieve lip service. i see the sincerity. Even when a completely different person, unrelated to the situation tells me something to the contrary, the comment about selfishness feels more true. It feels like truth because somehow, the things a person says when they are angry feel more true than anything uplifting that anyone says while happy.

I can smile, attempt to be helpful and apologize sincerely all i want. it still tends to bother me that the person ever said it at all.

thanks for all the replies. keep em coming