well I'm 27, this started when I was 13. So basically I look back and see 14 wasted years. My friends have all grown and matured and been in relationships and gotten married and had children and I'm still stuck in the same cycle of restricting and isolating myself. So that's really my only motivation to recover. But my ED is safe, it's my identity, it's my way of coping, it's the only thing I know. And even though it's lonely, I hold on to it because I don't think I'm anyone without it.