I understand what you are talking about. sometimes people with DID dont have that one person that is aware as in the biological body person. the body is shared by all with in. the biological person is still there obviously since everyone resides with in a physical body but mentally that biological persons mind, emotions, memories, history of events are so separated not shared that its hard to think about and perceive/know of that one biological person they all started out as being.

maybe this will help...talk with your treatment [provider and find out what the definition of the word host is where you are...here in the USA psychological definition of a host is the physical body in which the alters reside with in. a host does not have to be the one main person in charge or one main alter in charge. it literally means the physical body in which the alternate personalities reside with in.

my therapist once told me when I asked her who the host was.....pull out your birth certificate. look at where it says what the physical body name is, weight, length, parents names. the name of the baby (physical body) is the host. mentally you may be all split up into many many alternate personalities but the host exists because there is a physical body in which you live.

once my therapist explained that to me it was easy for me to keep things straight. every time I started to question which one of us was the "host" I would read my birth certificate because thats the psychological definition of what a host is here (the physical body in which the alters reside.)

that doesnt mean that person is always available or in control at all. just means who the alters reside with in,