Was doing good for last couple of days after a week of struggling. Depressed one moment, then kind of paranoid, then angry, then content, back to depressed. Thought I was coming out of it, but that ended tonight.

stopped at light, seen ex in brand new car next to me and my mood, thoughts, rational thinking went haywire.

Started thinking of money she owes me that I have not seen even though court ordered. Thought of my kids I have not seen. Thought of all the crap she put me through. Lies she told, child services being sent, police being sent, things stolen from me, all over her being caught cheating and lying to me.

Went totally manic for a few hours all rambling, mind racing, blood pumping, completely focused and targeted.

Now so flipping depressed. Zoning out. Completely zoned several times writing this. Not wanting to move or think.

Was ready to smash into the car and keep hitting hit. When seen this. Now I am blahhhhh.

Not even sure this makes sense.