Thanks so much for your reply. I think you're spot on with me walling off my emotions, I think that was a protective measure by my own mind to allow me to carry on. It sounds strange but I never quite realized I was doing this until recently, I preferred to just live a new life and try to forget about my past. I've been on a lot of SSRI's for anxiety to little effect - what medicine do you think has helped you the most? I think I'll certainly try the fish oil as well

I've seen my doctor and I'm now scheduled to see a counselor about this so I'm hoping this will help. I think I need to start comings to terms with my past and look to the future. I'm considering whether to write a letter to my family to explain how I walled off my feelings from anyone, as I think becoming more open about this is going to help me move on.

I'm not feeling as hopeless as I did yesterday, but I'm feeling a bit more...real. I just want to believe that my mother knew/knows how much I love her and how sorry I am for walling off my feelings.

Thanks again, I wish you the very best too