I had a full meltdown last night,

I have run out of ways to be be proactive with this issue and now my brain is just trying and failing at coping with time+pain. It is really strange to be in a position where there is literally nothing I can do but wait. I have taken every proactive and preparatory step, even my therapist said that I have done everything within my power and that I need to take my meds and accept that this is where I am at for now.

It is so strange, having a complete meltdown: paranoia, delusion, depression, panic etc. while at the same time being fully cognitively aware that these things are happening and yet having no control to interrupt the process. Talk about feeling trapped.

Today I get to call the referral line and try to expedite my specialist appointment so at least for today I have something to do to help myself.