I know what you mean. I can be such a relief when you first start taking lithium, like you said earlier it felt like a vacation! I felt the exact same way about a month ago coming down from a manic high. Then the numbness starts...and like some other people were saying you wonder if you'll ever just be normal. I don't think anyone really does understand except for us and it brought tears to my eyes to read these posts this morning. Sometimes I forget that I'm not alone in all of this. I stuff down a lot of the pain I feel and pretend it isn't there. I avoid people because they don't get it and am alone 95% of the time. I have just come to accept it. It is very difficult but I do still think there are parts of life that are very beautiful. My dog makes me happy, I love my morning coffee, and I stay busy on the computer. Some days are really hard but they will pass and I know that now. I didn't use to. Hang in there, it will get better. It might get worse first, but it will get better.