Mountain; Thank you for your thoughts. I know that I'm basically sabotaging myself for the future, but at this moment in time as awful as it sounds I just can't care. It's a double edged sword and I can't get myself out of it. I do take prescribed medication as well to add to it as well as Diazepam taken as needed.

Thanks for posting guys. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment and it's mainly caused by the bipolarity of my moods and the situation I find myself in. I self medicate with what is probably the worst type of drug to use and I know the harm it's doing.

I was in work the other day, halfway on another planet. And it provided relief from the thoughts inside my head.