Ok, I get that I have to put an end to this pain. Her having such power over me that a few choice words can destroy me, even temporarily, has to stop! Or at least I have to somehow figure out how to accept that she wants nothing to do with me. If she felt so desperate to not have me at her house that she had to lie to my father and obviously hurt me, she must have some real hatred towards me.

I get it completely, but it is extremely painful to me right now. This whole thing has snowballed, telling my son hurt him, made him angry and now he is not communicating with me at all about Thanksgiving. Wow, holidays are painful the last few years for me. I understand it logically, but it is impossible for me to not take it personally. I feel like now that I may end up at home alone, super sad and crying. Much like I am today. Didn't even sleep last night and that makes for feeling awful all over physically.

I'm getting angry now so I think I will end up telling my dad the truth of the situation, even if he acts like he does not believe me. He is insisting to know what we are going to do, so even though she led him to believe that she was "fine" with having everyone to her home, that is simply not true. Otherwise I don't know how to explain that we are having a split family holiday. This could very well be his last year to be with us. I am the one that is expected to suck it up and act as if everything is just fine, accept the lie that has been put on to me yet I am the one with the mental dysfunction.

I don't know the right thing to do, I sure could use some help. Meanwhile, I am just going to keep on planning my so called holiday dinner, even if I have to eat the whole damn thing at home alone.