Hi Ree, with............"No matter what he says - I'm dying my hair this weekend"............GOOD ON YOU!!!!!! GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!

And as to why he disapproves............well I think you nailed it with he's controlling and abusive. So maybe he feels that you're challenging him by going against what "was agreed"/he'd allowed for..........maybe he feels you're wanting to/or going to be wanting make more decisions for/about yourself..........maybe he's not comfortable with the lack of "predictability" or spontaneity in what you want............maybe hes thinking you want to look good for others which may loosen his "hold over you"............maybe he thinks that you're going to be paying more attention to the "outside world" with paying attention to what people may think about you............maybe he thinks other people won't notice you as much if you aren't "trying to look good"...........maybe he wants to keep your self esteem down to "keep you in your place"..............
So as you can tell no good reason in my opinion, it's not as if he's saying you look "beautiful" as you are, he loves the way you look............or anything like that is he??
I mean by all means, question him a bit more and see if he comes out with anything like that.
But the controlling and abusive aspect really concerns me.
Do you want to talk instead about how you may be able to leave him????
The fact that you're holding your own and that you don't think you're in danger doesn't take away from the fact that you're still experiencing emotional and mental abuse, and you know that's not right, don't you?!! You know you deserve so much more don't you?!!
Here if you want to talk...............

Alison