Jordy, when explained in that way, your fear of saying no makes logical and rational sense. You come from experience that taught you there are situations where saying yes means really bad things will happen, but saying no guarantees even worse things will happen.
I'm so sorry you went through such terrible abuse. It's not something that simple skills training and assertiveness will make better. But there are types of therapy that can help you with both the CSA from the past and learning how to say no in the present without anything bad happening to you. The latter could benefit from some sort of short-term guided exposure therapy and the former would, naturally, require much deeper longer-term therapy.
You might even need two different Ts working in consultation with each other because not all Ts are trained in the skills to treat both. Telling your T even that short paragraph in your last post would certainly help her understand that your difficulty saying no stems from you actually making a rational decision to say yes in a terrible irrational situation.
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Now that your saying this I realize that T knows about my CSA, but barely any details. And I think in this context something about my CSA is very important: of course I hated the abuse and didn't want it, but if I appeared willing I could partly choose what my brother did to me and most of the time skip the part that was worst to me. But if I refused he would hit me until I'd do anything and I had no say in what was coming. So I guess I then learned that by agreeing I was protecting myself from the worst...
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I cannot express in words how much I admire your courage and grit for protecting yourself as best as you could and surviving in a situation of such inhumane cruelty. That took intestinal fortitude.
