hey CrystalSteph, my fear of staying alone is probably so big thanks to fears of having attack/passing out/dying/being possessed when I'm totally alone and nobody would help me in situation like this... And I fear I could go crazy, like start to scream for no reason, talk with walls, and nobody would tell me wtf I'm doing... maybe it's like you said, fear and crazy obsessive thoughts will make the smallest things appear bigger than they really are even now I struggle with fear of going to psychiatrist tomorrow, even if I know this doc already, been there, it's about 5 min from my home... but no, my mind has to create the worst scenarios
I've tried cleaning, singing, watching movies, playing videogames..At first it worked, but now it's something automatic, like eating everyday.. I used to be very creative person before, always doing something new because I was easily bored doing the same stuff all over again, and maybe I'm kinda going crazy like this because of lack of new experiences.. but then again, how I can do something new when fear and panic attacks keeps me like in a cage :c
Thanks to my family I never had faith in myself, now my own mind and body stands against me.. But I'll try to start believing in myself, just don't know how :/ my mind keeps thinking only about scary stuff like 24h, not about solutions eh :c