Well, I'm very new to this whole forum thing, but I've had a lot on my mind lately and just needed a place to release everything. I don't really have any friends or anyone else to talk to so I've been holding in a lot of stuff for awhile and I really just need to let it all out. As I am nearing my 19th birthday, my final year of teen hood, I feel as though I am at the age where things will never change for me. The way things are and the way things have been will just stay that way forever. The one thing in particular that I speak of is being single. Yes, I am aware that being 18 and never having a boyfriend is such an oddity in today's society. Because of this, I feel like such an outcast being surrounded by people my own age (and even younger) having been in a relationship, their first kiss, etc. and I've never even talked to a guy before. The thing is, I feel as though I've never been approached by a guy before because I am a very unattractive person. Though I've never been verbally told that I am ugly, the mirror says it all. Also the fact that guys don't even look at me is another indicator that my appearance is below average. This has really been hurting my self esteem and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I feel as though there is really no hope for me and that I will die an old crazy cat lady who has experienced love. It's an unsettling thought but I feel as though it's just something I have to unfortunately accept and move on. People tell me that it will happen eventually and that there's someone for everyone but I feel as though I am an exception to this "rule" because in all honesty, what guy would want to settle for an ugly girl like me when there are so many pretty girls out there? I feel like my only option is getting plastic surgery in order to improve my appearance in hopes that I will finally be somewhat attractive so then maybe I will at least get a guy to talk to me. However, this option is quite expensive and I don't really have the means for it. I have been saving up for it though and in the mean time I have been doing other things to alter my appearance such as tanning, working out, wearing colored contacts, and also wearing a corset to make my waste smaller. But I feel as though this is not enough and I still need plastic surgery in order to have any chance of being in a relationship. However, even if I do get plastic surgery, I still feel like no one would ever want to be with me because although with plastic surgery I will finally be beautiful on the outside, I still will lack inner beauty. I have a dull personality, I am not funny nor intelligent, I am not good at anything, I am the epitome of an introvert… I could go on for days about every good quality I lack that would make a guy like a girl but I will just leave it at that. Bottom line, i am not a likable person. However, it does not end there. Even if getting cosmetic procedures does end up somehow getting me a boyfriend, the relationship will not last. The thing is, which I am sure 99.9% of those who read this will think I am absolutely insane, I will never have sex. Just the idea of it disgusts me and makes me want to vomit. No, I am not one of those people who believe in saving themselves for marriage (although I do highly respect those who do), I mean like I will never ever have sex in my entire lifetime. Now I am sure most all of you are having a hard time wrapping your head around this as most people seem to need sex like they need air. I really don't understand this one bit since I find sex as the most repulsive thing ever but no one else seems to think that is the case, which is another reason I feel as though I will be alone forever. But the thing is, not only do I think it is disgusting, I believe I am too ugly for a guy to have sex with me. I don't know, there's no hope for me. I'm not really writing this with the intention of getting anything out of it other than releasing some things I've been feeling for awhile. However, some input would be nice. I just don't want to feel like I am the only person on Earth who is dealing with this. Although, I probably am.