I have always had contact with my family, but lived many miles away from them for most of my life after leaving home. They then moved close to me and I saw them regularly. My father died 2 years ago and I had a very difficult relationship with him up until his death and would find it traumatic visiting him - I am much less in denial about my experiences as a child and am not sure how I would now be if I had to interact with him - I can't imagine wanting to be anywhere near him.

I see my mother regularly, but at times I have to put on such an act, when really I feel very angry with her, then feel guilty for feeling angry.

So in answer to your question, I think for me it was hard to start to really acknowledge the impact my father had on me while I was still seeing him regularly and I come to this conclusion due to my reaction to my mother who I do still see regularly - I feel deceitful thinking badly of her.