My faith has been pushed to the breaking point several times. Most recently when my car got towed and I lost it because I could not pay to get it out. I was mad at god and really didn't know if I believed in god anymore. I have since decided to continue to believe that god cares for me and this world even though there seems to be all kinds of evidence to the contrary. My faith is not as confident as it was and I know that I could get there again if things got bad enough. "I'm trying to work things out. I'm trying to understand. Am I the chance result of some big accident." That is close to a line in a Sara Groves song. Sometimes I think that I feel god's presence and I know that in my heart there is love for the person i call god. I guess that is why I keep believing he is there....because my heart loves him and for some reason that continues even though i have had and probably will have more of my share of pain and that he feels my pain with me even though for whatever reason he does not take it away.........sometimes.....sometimes I do get relief. And I believe that when i die I will be with him and this life will be like having a baby. I never had one but watched my wife suffer through having three and afterwards we didn't talk about how bad the labor was. Make sense? I am sorry for your pain as well.