Hi,
I'm glad to see you posting. You seem very critical of yourself. I have to ask if you know, what "characteristic flaws" you think you are hiding? What is it that you hate about yourself. Was this feeling there before you lost your gf and friend?

Unfortunately hiding things and trying to show only your best side does not work, in my opinion. You have to be open, honest with yourself and others. You may be rushing into another relationship to get over the hurt of a past one. You need to fully understand what is it that makes you say "I hate myself... I don't know what it is that is so repulsive about me...etc."

Most people just have a pretty good sense of how they feel after a first date. It isn't all about you and what you think you should have done or not done.

Please keep posting. Attraction is not all about looks if that is what you are most concerned with. You must learn to love and accept yourself before you can give your love to someone else. I know it is said often but it is very true.

Open up to us if you feel comfortable. Tell us what you think is making you feel the way you do about yourself. I know getting hurt by your relationship is a HUGE part of the problem right now. I remember you said you don't have friends. I know it hurts. I was isolated with no friends for years. Do you have any family close by? Can you get out and join some kind of social activity while you are studying? (I know that is alot on your plate already)