Quote:
Originally Posted by Anxious Minds
Per the part of not wanting to be born, I was speaking to more about what inside you makes you feel that way. It's no accident (at least I don't think so) that that cropped up twice in your post. Might be some value to think about it to help you sort things out (if you're willing).
I can relate to that wanting something and not knowing what it is. It makes you wonder if when you actually had it, you'd even know if you had it. Kinda weird to think about. A good place to start might be to think about when that empty feeling comes around. When does that feeling creep up on you?
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I think about Life and/or Death most of the time.
This empty feeling is always there, varies in intensity depending on what I'm doing. This feeling of emptiness gets worse when I think about 'growing up', I don't feel like I'm growing up emotionally, because I haven't figured out a thing. My life's come to a standstill.
I feel so different to people around me, I have no interest in relationships, friendships, partying or any of the good stuff like that. I feel lonely sometimes, but I don't want company.
I'm not growing up emotionally, yet my body grows, I'm growing up on the outside, and that's what people see, and they expect me to be what I am on the outside when it's not really who I am. I think for me to 'grow up', I have to do things differently from most people. I think I have to find myself. but then what? I wonder.
I do feel like something's wrong with me sometimes. Why do I avoid human contact so much when everyone wants the same? I don't want to be in a 'relationship' with anyone, I don't want to bond, why? I feel like a robot with no emotions. I'm so numb.