I think about Life and/or Death most of the time.

This empty feeling is always there, varies in intensity depending on what I'm doing. This feeling of emptiness gets worse when I think about 'growing up', I don't feel like I'm growing up emotionally, because I haven't figured out a thing. My life's come to a standstill.

I feel so different to people around me, I have no interest in relationships, friendships, partying or any of the good stuff like that. I feel lonely sometimes, but I don't want company.

I'm not growing up emotionally, yet my body grows, I'm growing up on the outside, and that's what people see, and they expect me to be what I am on the outside when it's not really who I am. I think for me to 'grow up', I have to do things differently from most people. I think I have to find myself. but then what? I wonder.

I do feel like something's wrong with me sometimes. Why do I avoid human contact so much when everyone wants the same? I don't want to be in a 'relationship' with anyone, I don't want to bond, why? I feel like a robot with no emotions. I'm so numb.