I am similar in that I have been depressed and suicidal for much of my life. More accurately I think is that I just didn't and haven't enjoyed my life and did not want to live. As opposed to being actually suicidal. I would like the option to end it all in a simple peaceful way. Its never going to be allowed though. Apparently we are just meant to live out our lives even if we don't actually want to. There are still a few things I can try so I will do my best not to think beyond that.