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Originally Posted by Ad Intra
Yes it does. Your T is a safe place for you. Please let us know how this develops.
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Thanks. I've been seeing my T for almost 5 years and she knows how I feel about her. It's just "those actual words." They scare me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?
Yes it makes sense. I think your T already knew you loved her. I bet they are used to it, but most are trained not to say it back. I bet she does love you in a certain way, though.
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Yes, as I wrote above. She knows, and we've talked round about how she won't say "I love you" to me because she saves that for family and very close friends, I guess. I don't remember her exact words, but she did say she cares for me deeply. I don't need the words from her, but I think it was important that I say them. I can't say them in person, though. I oncde said "the baby parts love you" or "the teenage part" is in love with you. This was different; at least it felt different to me.
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Originally Posted by BonnieJean
It makes you feel vulnerable because you've expressed your feelings and don't know her reaction or response. You just think she won't express it back. I can understand feeling emotional having gotten it out there. Makes sense.
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Thank you. I already know she won't say it back since we discussed it once, but I didn't say the words directly to her. I know her reaction, if any, will be accepting, and maybe that's what I'm afraid of.
It's important because it's real, and not my pattern. I could leave therapy if I had to; I'd still love her, but I would be all right. That's huge for me.
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Originally Posted by Freewilled
Rainbow - do you think that it is related to how your expression of feelings growing up was received? It makes a lot of sense to me, regardless, for you to feel like crying since sending her the email. You expressed very meaningful feelings and you don't know how your T will respond. Plus, you said she won't say it back. That's hard in and of itself.
Your post made me think about how I feel about my T (I do care about him) and how it is very hard for me to share those feelings with him. So I don't. And why is it so hard for me? It just made me wonder aloud to myself how my parents responded to that part of me.....and I'm gonna have to ponder if it's at all related...
Thank you for your post, rainbow. And for your ability to take such a big risk with your T. It's ok that you are feeling vulnerable. It makes so much sense in the context of all the things you have going on right now and with the holidays. Take care  |
Thank you. I don't think my T will respond at all to those words because she knows how I feel. I'm the one who has to tell her how meaningful it is for me to be able to write them directly in one sentence without disclaimers or apologies.
Your response made me think, too. I always signed letters to my parents "love" but I don't remember saying "I love you". I knew they loved me and I loved them, but the problem was that those feelings weren't expressed a lot. Not until I was an adult with kids, did I say I love you often to anyone. Not even to my husband. It's hard to say those words. My T might understand that. I never felt comfortable enough with my other Ts to tell them or write it to them, even though I may have felt it. It's the expression of love that's always been hard for me. I will be embarrassed when I see my T.