Quote:
Originally Posted by Creative1onder
Assertiveness is about having good level of self value and regard, expressing your own interests and needs clearly and being considerate and respecting others as well. Finding balance, having boundaries, so people dont take advantage of you, use you. If you dont like or dont want to do something someone wants, you dont have to do it to please, satisfy them. You need to look at what the underlying factors are that make you feel unworthy undeserving and try to tackle them with help of a therapist maybe. Look at unhelpful limiting beliefs. I know that for me assertiveness is important but yes it is challenging.
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It is difficult for me. I don't have a sense of what is too far or going overboard. I can go longer and further than anyone else when it comes to certain things. I don't go the extra mile, I go 10 extra miles. That is where many of my problems come from. I just think to myself, it is better if I go overboard with people using me than the other extreme, where I end up walking over other people. I am afraid of myself, I don't know what I can do in a situation with someone. It is hard for me when it comes to people. You see, I can be assertive with inanimate things. But, let's take a relationship for example, you need to be somewhat assertive to get what you want from that person. I find that very hard. How much is enough? How far is enough? How do I stop it when it's still "normal" and not go into "obsessive" or "aggressive" and "demanding". With objects it's easy, you can go as far as you want, with people you can't. I get the feeling I will steamroller people if I had to get what I want, that's why I back off and rather let them abuse me. Everyone probably wants love and acceptance, but if feels wrong to ask for it somehow for me. If someone asks me for love and acceptance, I give it, I want to give it. Once you have to start asking for it for yourself, that's when it's pretty much over for me. It's too weird for people to handle. They only see it as OK if they give it out of their own, if they want. As soon as you ask, people run away. How do I ask without asking? I just don't get it. How do I take without asking? How much do I take? Is it OK to take? It feels wrong to just take. But, people, especially women I find, don't like it when you ask before you take because it is perceived as a lack of confidence.
It all feels so wrong somehow for me. To do something for me. Not that I don't ever do it though, I buy myself things or whatever and spend alone time with myself, but I don't know how to ask that from someone else. I rather just leave it all together.
I'm scared I turn into a narcissist if I do start doing things for myself.