It's not just the chemical brain imbalance. When I say biological, my brain is "wired" up completely differently to someone else's. This is what my condition is about. It has led to things like depression because it has to do with 25 years of not fitting in, not being accepted, etc.

I have found too, and it is only by being rejected and being depressed that I could learn this, simple truths that cannot be escaped. I have learnt the hard way that most people only want friends who are thin/fit/look good and have lots of money. Most of us who are depressed know that there is more to life than this and it is because of our convictions that we are isolated.

Depression was an awakening for me. An awakening to stop believing in fairy tales and that everything is going to be OK. People tell themselves this on a daily basis because if they ever felt what we felt, they would crumble much faster than we ever did. Things are only OK when you make them OK. With everything there is sacrifice, and if you want something, someone else has to pay the price. People who are successful don't notice the people they walked over to get to the top. Why? Because they walk over people who never complain, people who accept abuse from others. Then they still turn around and tell them that they deserve being walked over because they are weak. That's what's going on today.

The root cause of everything is that we are people who have a need to serve others. We were placed on earth to fulfil a role of some kind. We are not like everyone else who does everything for themselves. I think most people with depression can say that they have been used and abused some way by other people. I truly believe that if you could ask God Himself how He felt right at this moment, He would be even more depressed than we are. It's not that hard to imagine, I mean, think of even a human father, and almost all of his children have abandoned him and want nothing to do with him, almost all of them turned their backs on him. That father would be pretty hurt and properly depressed I would imagine. They abandoned him to chase after pots of gold and cheap thrills, because he did not allow that in his house, as he was just trying to protect them, because he knows the pots of gold will destroy their hearts and minds.

It's this whole thing today that you're nobody unless you're "made". That's all it ever was. I am overweight, yes I am. And, as a result, I can't recall ever being treated with respect like a normal human being would be by anyone in real life. On top of that, I'm a social misfit and I didn't grow up rich. The only money I ever had was scholarships that I worked my butt off to get. People avoided me because I couldn't afford to wear branded clothing. I'm not joking. And then, to crown it all, people avoided me because I was too intelligent for their liking, I was actually told that. People would ask me to help them solve their problems and I could see them getting annoyed at me being able to do it. How can I possibly win? You hate me because I helped you.

Knowing all this now, the only challenge for me, is how do I continue to serve people still? I have to live for the handful who still appreciate it. I have to live for the people on PC for example, I have to live for my family. I have to fulfil my purpose still.

Then the big one - still serving those who don't appreciate it either. That's the ultimate challenge. Serving those that don't say thank you and those that hate you. We are people put on earth to serve, and when we follow our true purpose once again, we will once again be happy I think. Our life is not working for us because we have all been tricked into following the societal rules for success. We have allowed others to define what success means for us. We were never meant to follow that, that's why everything in our lives is dismantling.

The world out there is not as complex as we would like to believe. It's simple. We think the root our depression is complex and an interwoven web. We like to believe that there's a secret code to how people view us and if we could just tap into that then we would understand. There's nothing to understand. It's all very simple. It's like my fat problem. I've actually got it because of stuff that happened in my childhood. Given my condition, I was never really a "child". I was aware of everything from a very young age. But I was still a child. I was confronted with adult themes very early on, and like an adult, self-medicated and got addicted to things. I also think giving a 1-3 year old child coffee and soda drinks out of a BPA-containing plastic bottle every day is not a good idea either. The point is, I did get fat, from a young age, and that's all people see now. They don't care how you got there or the story behind it, the point is, you're fat and you're not like them. You're also a geek/nerd and not like them. It really is that simple. People don't respect people who are just too different, that's just a fact. You can't blame them either. For 24 hours a day, all you see on TV and in magazines is good looking rich people on top and the others at the bottom. It is a non-verbal image engrained in the minds of everyone. It doesn't matter if it's incorrect. We, of all people, should know that if you are told something long enough, you begin to believe it. I mean look at the non-truths we believe about ourselves as depressed people.

That is why, yes, they don't feel much for me, but it is my life and duty to serve in some way or another the people on this earth, and come hell or high water that's what I'll do. It is very tempting to just quit, but I think we all need to realize, we are here for a reason, and some day what we did for the human race will be noticed or appreciated somewhere along the line.

Let's not give up guys. Fulfil your purpose. If you know not what it is anymore, let's help each other find it again. What we do may seem insignificant now, but it is not. Let's not be defeated, because if we don't serve the human race, who will, and what will become of them?