First off i apologies for how long this post is, but i feel it necessary to include all the info. I had a guy friend that i met online 7 years ago. I lived abroad and was interested in moving to the USA where i now live. I messaged people on a forum about the area i wanted to move to and just happened to get talking to this one guy. I asked him about colleges, things to do, places to live etc...and we ended up staying in touch. We talked for about a year every day, and sometimes we had very deep conversations. We had the same taste in music, humor, and take on life. He also had a gf he was on and off with who seemed to really love, but she kept breaking it off and then was back on with him again, and he opened up about that and how much he loved her and felt he was being jerked around.

I then moved to the USA finally and he would call daily, text all the time and seemed very interested in me. We kept saying we should meet up, but he was away at college, and then he eventually started dating someone and we lost touch. We got back in touch again recently after a few years via Facebook, and discussed how we always felt a connection with each other and found each other attractive from pictures etc. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more than just a hook up he said he couldn’t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me.

He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He was soon to be moving to another town, and i am at a weird point in my life right now, and wondered if something casual may be enough for me. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, and when i reach out i get cut off instantly, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on.

So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me. I didn’t really get how he randomly would go silent and distant, sometimes go days without talking to me, but said he cared and wanted to hang, but never suggested a day.

So i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work... and that was Tuesday afternoon. I said in the message if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said no i seriously don't want that.

I have noticed through some apps that we use that shows who you are sending pictures and stuff to that he is talking to other girls, so i guess he may be playing the field as far as sex goes, so i wonder why he told me he didn't want to be a slut and decided against sex with me, but to be honest i think it is better this way than going through with it and maybe never hearing from him again, as this would hurt me more. I also have never had just a random hook up with someone, so i felt pretty uncomfortable at the thought of actually going through with it.

I feel very ashamed right now. I offered myself sexually as i thought it may make him interested and we could end up together. Obviously, we all know that 9 times out of 10 this never happens, and it is just false hope. I don't feel he has led me on in terms of wanting a relationship with me, as he was pretty clear he didn't see one, but he went from saying he wanted me (assumed he meant sexually), to saying he wanted to just meet up and see how things went, to saying he feels smothered in a 72 hour period.

I wish i would of suppressed my feelings towards him and just remained friends because i love talking to him and feel with everything that has happened now we can't really go back. I would be willing to, but he doesn't seem to be seems it has been 5 days. I don't know if this is a fantasy i have created in my own mind seems we have never met and so he may seem mysterious to me in some way, but i have sexual fantasies about him every day. I think about him all the time.

I took the initiative after 5 days of silence and asked him if he still wanted to be friends, and if not then i guess we should stop talking. I was hoping he had maybe just felt i was a little intense but cared enough about the friendship to come back and say i want to be friends but just need space, or something to that extent, and he never responded. I really don't understand people and i am feeling very hurt right now. Why would someone be upfront about a lot of things, but not be upfront about not wanting to talk to you anymore, and tell you they don't want to stop talking?

At the beginning when we used to just talk and i loved that and sharing our common interests. I always thought he was attractive, but i wasn't living in the US, and he had a girlfriend so i guess i didn't ever have the thought of us ever being together, and now i feel i have ruined it. We were still Facebook friends, and yesterday i finally deleted him off my friends. It was hard seeing pictures and Facebook status updates which made me think of him more and more and frustrate me more in what he is thinking and why he has acted the way he has. I really believed he cared about our friendship because of how we used to talk back then, but now i feel like we have 0 chance of ever meeting and having a friendship, and i don't know why he is acting so cold. I am having a hard time just moving on from this, and part of me really regrets unfriending him because the last bit of hope i had that we could still connect as friends, has gone.

Also i would like to say that i do know someone who knows this guy, so it is not like he isn't who he says he is. I know a lot of people online can lie, but it isn''t like he is married with kids or anything. I just don't know what to do. I still really want us to connect again. I have never had such a connection with someone in terms of interests/personality/humor. What do you all think happened?