Hi shibby,

I am sorry to hear about all of the distress you are going through right now. Unfortunately most relationships are often riddled with assumptions and miscommunications. It makes it difficult to understand one another for sure.

It is true that silence can mean disinterest but it can also be indicative of indecision. Sometimes people have a difficult time understanding their feelings and expressing themselves during that process so they may simply remain silent because of internal uncertainty. Only time will clarify how he really feels about everything.

There's a few things that stood out to me. First off, you have known this guy for several years now and at times it seems your relationship has been a close one with daily communication. There have been times when you have even talked intimately. That is significant because your relationship has continued over time and distance. Obviously, there is a closeness between both of you. Whether that relationship is a close friendship, a casual friendship, or a romantic one is the part that is difficult to navigate for both of you. There are pros and cons to all of those levels of connection. I have a feeling he isn't sure what he truly wants from his relationship with you but I think he does want to keep you in his life or else things may have dissolved long before now. As for you, it looks like you are leaning more towards more than friendship. That is where I see the conflict - you are becoming more sure about what you want while he is still struggling to figure himself out.

Keep in mind, we all change over time. Both of you are different than you were when you first met. Your circumstances are different and your goals are changing according to where you are in life. He mentioned that he had a bad day and was having some family issues at one point recently. There is the possibility he is dealing with stressors in his life that he has not shared with you and that could cause him to hesitate to commit to anything. Depression and anxiety are often purposely hidden from others but can become manifest in a resistance to get close to others.

There are many things that can be happening here because people are complicated and often don't understand themselves especially when it comes to relationships. You have communicated quite clearly that you want to at least remain friends and are willing to be closer to him. The ball is in his court now and he has to figure out if he is willing to lose you because he does not know how to clearly communicate his feelings about your relationship. I honestly feel he is struggling with all of this and he knows the stakes. I hope he makes the right decision and reaches out to you. In the meantime, cherish what you have had up to this point because long-term friendships are precious even if they do not last forever. Hang in there, you're going to be fine no matter how things turn out. If you should ever need to talk, feel free to message me. I have seen many a close friendship drift apart over time so I have some understanding about all of this. Take care.