Hi, I want to explain how I understand so much of what you're saying. It's late at night for me though and I can't think too clearly. I should get to sleep.

Anyhow, I do know that I always figured that I would always feel really bad.
A good day for me was when I just felt a little bad. And then things changed and now I'm totally amazed that it's possible to actually feel good and I keep discovering things that make me feel better and I don't have to work hard at keeping from feeling terrible. I really never expected things to get better, but they did.

I think things changed when I started being able to talk to my therapist about how terrible it was for me. I was always afraid to talk about all my inner parts because I thought people would think I was acting crazy. And then she actually asked me about them and since then things have been getting better. So don't listen to ella. I know she's probably just really scared and worried about you, but she doesn't know that things can get better. Have you been able to talk to your therapist about how hard things are for you right now? Asking for help is a new thing for me but I know that the psych central forum has really helped me feel connected and that helps so much.

Your kitties are lucky to have you. It sounds like you really take good care of them.

Thanks for posting.