Yes, that's what I intend to do regardless of this situation. An e-mail was sent when I initially heard as well.

I can get handle this. It's a matter of fully accepting responsibility for my actions even though it stings like hell and I feel like a big idiot! I'm kinda used to averse reactions from time to time, so the embarassment will pass; life will go on...

With my anxiety, going probably isn't in my best interest, anyway. And really, funerals are a highly personal and life-altering experience - one they may not have been prepared to share with me. I was not a close personal family member - only a relative's g/f.

How's my talking out of freaking out going so far?

I guess I also have to make a decision to keep focused on this tragedy rather than how stoopid and little "I" feel. After all, it is not about me. I just soooooo feel like crawling in a deep hole and hiding (Oh, see? There I go again!)

OK! REFOCUS!!!!!!!!! REFOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!